Googly Eyes

Thanks to the wonders of modern technology, I am currently sitting on the Chinatown bus headed to Baltimore and enjoying free wireless internet. That’s right – I’m in an internetmobile. So I initially got on here to write a post about Mother’s Day, but upon coming to WordPress was confronted with this headline: “‘Bishop’ and Mother Arrested After Making Kids Live with Corpse.” A-say what??

Apparently this religious “bishop” (obviously of the Psychotic Bastard Religion, Wisconsin Chapter) deemed that if this 90-year old dead woman sat on a toilet, she would be resurrected. I mean, that makes sense, right? Sometimes after a long enough time on the toilet I feel like I’ve been reborn. This religion sounds like this shitty movie I watched last night called Inside, starring Leighton Meester of Gossip Girl fame, but that’s another post altogether. Read the whole story here.

Now this may be old, but in other toilet news, authorities are considering charges against a man who allowed his girlfriend to sit on his toilet for two years, so long in fact, that her skin grew around the toilet seat and it had to be removed at the hospital. Now, that’s shocking and disgusting, but how is the man culpable here? Don’t bother a woman on the toilet, that’s what I say. He brought her food and water every day and asked her to leave the bathroom, but she refused. (Wouldn’t he eventually have to go? Bitch get off ma terlet!) He’s a hero for not urinating on her while she hogged the jon for two freakin’ years. Read the whole story here.

You’re welcome readers, for your daily dose of bizarre and fucked up news. So next time you’re grappling for a conversation starter or suffering through some awkward silence, you’ll have something to say to that complete stranger at the bus stop.

P.S. – Happy Mother’s Day!!