Googly Eyes

Skeet skeet… skeet.

“It feels like someone’s throwing marshmallows at my ass.” Someone is throwing marshmallows at your ass, Jason Schwartzman, and it’s me. Jason Schwartzman (henceforth being referred to as, “The Schwartz”) may have unconventional good looks and some intergalactic eyebrows, but that never stopped me before (what?). Wes Anderson’s darling, The Schwartz was something like 15 when he starred in Rushmore, and was the drummer for Phantom Planet (before he got way too cool to hang out with those guys, with major parts in Spun and Shopgirl). His major under-use in Marie Antoinette is one among many reasons that I dislike Sofia Coppola, but we don’t want to get distracted from our man candy here. And let’s not forget how he rode a unicycle in Slackers, as Cool Ethan. He’s never not cool, and one of the few men that looks good with a 5 o’clock shadow. And that, my friends, is bitchin’.
Correction: So he was like 18 in Rushmore. I swear to Gob someone told me he was only 15, and whoever that was is a damn dirty liar. And besides, you’re not reading this to get the facts, you’re here to ogle hot men. If you wanted facts you’d be on IMDB, and we can’t say enough nice things about that site.