It’s common knowledge that music videos are a dying breed. They make no money, they’re shot on barely nothing, and unfortunately, they don’t really advertise new talent unless their video is stellar. Even then, we barely see them. 

These past two years have shown us some radical changes for what may just be the future of our beloved shorts, namely, the commercialization of bands and the products they place on screen. While music videos may be an ad for the artist, advertisers have realized that they can be ads for other products, too. Products that will pay for the cost of the video and promote the band at the same time, of course.

The first major fusion of the two; singing and advertising, is, I felt, with the Three Doors Down “Citizen Soldier” videos. Sure, tons of bands have their songs IN commercials, but rarely do bands make their entire music video a commercial for an organization. Yes, we’ve seen videos that include the movies they belong to the soundtrack of, but that’s different. Turning their entire music video into an ad not just for a product but for an entire organization marked the first transgression of music video purity. See the filth here. 

In 2007 we saw the appearance of the the “Where U At?” Boost Mobile campaign, featuring Jermaine Dupri, Young Jeezy, and the seriously flamboyant Mickey Avalon:

I don’t care if this music video is for a cell phone and with tons of bad rappers: the titling is awesome. This is one ad I would weirdly look forward to every day, despite Mickey’s heavy eyeliner. Although the 30 second version is the one they’d broadcast, it’s still pretty important in a sense that it looks like these rappers made their song for the product. Featuring cell-phone beeps and the words “Boost” in the lyrics, they not only sold out, they fucking signed away their dignity in the blingest way possible. But hey, it works. 

Finally, we’ve got the Christina Aguilera target commercial. Using an already established song on her album, Christina goes full out in making a proper music video with Roy Lichtenstein-style graphics (and yes, more eyeliner!) I think this one is more important because, unlike Boost mobile’s song made for a product, Xtina here turned her song into a product and a whole new video, gladly prostituting herself for what is undoubtedly a very profitable deal with Target:

 And yeah, I’m calling this commercial a music video because their official “Behind the Scenes” video for this spot  calls it that. This music video is completely different for the original music video for the song. In fact, I’d say that the commercial version is actually way better, thanks to its well-done graphics and lack of douchebag producer-performance a la Timbaland. Christina, didn’t you know? Music videos aren’t made on iPhone-based graphic equalizers! It’s entirely too bad, because I actually really liked her Candy Man video. (But that’s just because I want my life to look like a slutty Normal Rockwell painting, also. Sigh)

Either way, with so little money being poured into these (shitty) videos, you can see why artists are feeling more and more pressure to get product placement or even direct corporate overhaul of their own music-based marketing. And frankly? I’m okay with that. The two we’ve seen were high production quality, and if that’s what it takes to make huge, big-budget videos, then fine. The entertainers who choose this path are too unimaginative to come up with something really great with a lot less cash, so they have to take the stupid way out. But hey, show me a well-executed gimmick video on a shoestring budget any day over the graphic spawn of consumer giants.

It seems that the more polarized this medium becomes, the more interesting it gets. What’s next? Artists directly singing about a product’s greatness? Or maybe companies will get smart and finally move to features, explicitly.

I feel like this is something I encounter on a regular basis. A girl friend, or even acquaintance, faced with some kind of decision along the lines of, “Should I hook up with this guy, even though he has a girlfriend?” Or in the most recent instance, a co-worker telling me the hilaaaarious story of how she and her boyfriend came to be, and how it comedically involved another girl getting cheated on. Did I mention my co-worker is blonde? But I guess that’s not important…

When faced with the question, “Should I hook up with this guy who is attached?” my answer is no. Always. No. No you should not. Do you know why? Because you are totally fucking over another girl, and that ain’t cool. It doesn’t matter if she’s a bitch, or if she’s ugly, or if you saw her in a bar once and she gave you the stink eye, she’s a fellow girl and that could so easily be you on her end. And may I mention that hey, isn’t it convenient for the guy to be fooling around with you whilst he’s got another girl waiting at the ready to satisfy his other needs, emotional and sandwich-related? And the guy will give you lines like, “We were breaking up anyway,” or tell you some sad story about how she’s cold or mean or drove him to other women. And while this is probably bullshit, even if it were true, that’s absolutely no grounds for cheating. It’s an excuse, and a pathetic one at that, to get into multiple pairs of panties and just plain disrespect women. If this guy was any kind of decent, he’d have the balls to end his relationship before fucking around with other girls in any capacity. You have no idea what goes on or went on between this guy and his girlfriend, and for all you know, he’s an abusive, cheating (well obviously), asshole who takes advantage of her and stabbed her dog with a Samurai sword. Lord knows you don’t need that. Again.

I feel qualified to supply this advice because I was once that girl that got cheated on, and despite the fact that my relationship at the time was on its last leg, it didn’t hurt any less because of that. Being cheated on by someone, especially when you’ve been dating for a really long time, is like being completely shit on. I found out my boyfriend of five and a half years was cheating on me when some anonymous stranger IMed me to ask if I was said cheater’s girlfriend, and then to report that she had observed some questionable behavior between him and some other girl. I immediately called to see what was up, giving him the benefit of the doubt, as you would with someone who you trust more than anything, at which point he just plain couldn’t deny it. So that’s how it all went down. I screamed and cursed and called him a piece of shit, and he cried like a cowardly little bitch and nearly vomited. But that’s water under the bridge and I am in no way bitter.

So that’s why you shouldn’t fool around with guys who have girlfriends. Another reason? He’s probably got crabs. Also - there are TONS of really good, decent guys who would love to fool around with you and aren’t in a relationship. This is like the dilemma between buying a puppy from the pet store or rescuing one from a shelter. Buying from the pet shop is completely indulgent and probably supporting shady dealings like puppy mills, while rescuing is like giving a perfectly good, sweet, lovable dog a second chance. Messing with attached dudes is disrespectful - to you (aren’t you worthy of his attention? You’re not some gutter whore, simply there to provide him with cheap easy thrills, and you deserve better!) and the other girl, who is no doubt wondering where the fuck her man is at (pardon my preposition). The sad thing is, this kind of girl on girl crime often leads girls to hate on each other, rather than that bastard who did it all knowingly. So please, don’t be a part of that. And in a preemptive statement against thoughts or comments in which people assume I am a lesbian or a man-hating feminist or Peppermint Patty from Peanuts: I am straight and in a relationship with a dude, and do not hate men (just scuzzy, cheating, Jude Law types.) And of course this whole logic and argument doesn’t apply to people in “open relationships,” whatever the fuck those are. (Isn’t that sort of like being a vegetarian that eats meat? You’re not fooling anyone!!) If everyone is cool with everyone fucking everyone else, then by all means.

Of course there are situations where a guy will lie to you or mislead you intentionally, saying that he’s single, in which case you can’t be held accountable if you are in fact the homewrecker. But, once you do learn the truth, you should be strong enough to walk away from this lying sack of crap and wash your hands very, very well (I recommend Bath & Body Works antibacterial soap in “Peppermint Twist.” Mmm, refreshing!) In the end, everyone gets what they deserve and reaps what they sow. This can be evidenced in the fact that my ex-boyfriend has gotten fat. Living well really is the best revenge, mwahahaha! (P.S. I love parentheses.)

The 1973 film Don’t Look Now is a tense, dramatic thriller set in a desolate, off-season Venice.  It is very much of its time, but atmosphere and poignancy invade every scene, and Donald Sutherland’s performance is incredibly memorable.

Now, 15 years later, accomplished director Danny Lerner brings us the spiritual descendant of Nicholas Roeg’s film:

I have no idea what is going on there, but I am pretty sure at some point a shark bumped into something and then exploded.  Stephan Baldwin has the best reactions I have ever seen, ever.  I also want to point out that Lerner has directed such masterpieces as “Raging Sharks”, “Shark Zone”, and “The Prince & Me 3: A Royal Honeymoon”.  This kid’s got a bright future, mark my words!

Named after  what must have been the name that #1 Pete Wentz fans across the nation dubbed their first pop-Goth poem of hardship and brevity. Or maybe Ian Fleming just really liking the word “Quantum”. Uhhh…

Don’t get me wrong. I loved Casino Royale. The clumsiness and humanity of Bond’s revamped character was fresh and inviting. Almost as inviting as Daniel Craig’s (seriously) toned bod. But with Quantum of Solace, I found myself having to suspend my disbelief too often, thanks to its convoluted script and hard-to-belive turn of events. 

Yeah, I saw Renaissance just for the sound of his voice. SUE ME.

This is usually where the movie critic gives you a rundown of the plot, but honestly, who the fuck cares? It’s a James Bond movie. And yeah, it looked awesome. But there were never any truly insane action sequences, like the stunning 15-minute opener of its previous installment. (SPOILER!) Instead, we get a hugely explosive catastrophe from a corporation that just so happens to build their headquarters in a fuel cell bay. Right. Smart thinking, evil guys. Next time they’ll put HQ on a sinking ship. How convenient!

If anything, with Bond’s now-broken heart, we witness more and more of a disregard for human lives. In every pursuit, we see handfuls of innocent people killed, more blood spilled, and more classic 007 nonchalance as he accidentally slaughers civilians whether by car, high-speed boat chase, or plain insensitivity. What used to be a suave and vaguely concerned agent has now become a vengeful, clumsy, and stone-cold protagonist. Kind of like a captain’s widow with a license to kill. Sure, we empathize with the fact that his heart was broken. But did you really need to total three commuters on an Italian highway??

The real star of the film is, in my opinion, Judi Dench as “M”. Man, what a badass. Her cool, calm exterior is ace at showing flickers of uncertainty and compassion. Kind of like the Bonds of yore. Snap! I called that one, you smart, smart writers. 

Either way, I guess if you’re into big budget action movies with minimally relevant plots and a whole lot of Minority Report operating systems, go for it. There are definitely some flashy parts, and the editing of certain sequences is pretty breathtaking, but that’s about it. Keep the change for what is most definitely a Meh in my book. Save it for Rachel Getting Married. Which is another post entirely.

Stare into his icy gaze. DO IT

Leo DiCaprio was many a girl’s first celebrity crush thanks to Titanic, and not a 12 year old female in the country didn’t wish to be Rose DeWitt Bukater.  Leo solidified his image as a teen heartthrob in Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo + Juliet, and then mostly dropped out of the spotlight after The Man In The Iron Mask tanked.

Sorry ladies, but there are no pictures of Leo as hot as this.

Kate Winslet, meanwhile, sought out challenging dramatic roles in films like Quills and Iris.  In 2004 she co-starred in Michel Gondry’s amazing Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and she’s been working in awesome, interesting movies since then.

Scorsese really gets the credit for discovering the true talent behind DiCaprio’s pretty face when he cast him in Gangs of New York.  He’s starred in two Scorsese films since, along with a slew of other decent movies.

Click for trailer.

Now, eleven years after they shared the screen in Titanic, Winslet and DiCaprio are starring in Sam Mendes’ Revolutionary Road.  The film is based on the 1961 Richard Yates’ book- a novel about the dark side of suburban America.

So while Leo is the boy next door who grew up to be incredibly handsome (although slightly terrifying), Kate is like an awesome older sister who would teach you how to do your makeup while giggling at dirty jokes and watching trashy tv.  You naysayers can claim that Titanic wasn’t that good, or that it was overrated, or that it was an egotistical, masturbatory exercise for James Cameron with a bloated love story, but you’d all be WRONG.  Well, you  might be right.  But it’s undeniable that the two leads have grown into two of the greatest actors of our generation, and to see them perform together again should be nothing less than incredible.

I’m not the kind of person that loves kids or thinks everything they do is irresistably adorable, but I came across this video on Jezebel and oh. my. God. This little girl, around four years old, tells the most imaginative story in French (because she’s French, obviously). Little kids telling stories are cute, but when they have eyes as big as this girl and an adorable foreign accent, it’s all over. This makes me want to have a kid one day, and raise them in France.

Once upon a time… from Capucha on Vimeo.

Damn you WordPress, for not letting me embed!!

Economics is stupid. The stock market is based purely on the whims of people who will sell millions of dollars worth of stock in reaction to an internet rumor that Steve Jobs had a heart attack, and the very foundation of our country rests on their shoulders. In the days just prior to the election, the market made huge gains in anticipation of an Obama victory. On November 5th, everyone realized that even though he won, he wasn’t actually going to be able to do anything until he was inaugurated in January, and stocks plummeted again. In the last couple days, the market went up. According to the New York Times, “The market’s abrupt about-face left investors and analysts grasping for explanations. ‘I have no idea,’ said Michael Feroli, an economist at J.P. Morgan Chase.”

A certain Englishman I know has been saving up for a move to America, The Land of Opportunity And Dreams And Freedom And Free Puppies. Even though America has superficially “recovered”, the British pound is rapidly collapsing, and he’s suffered a 25% loss on his savings just in the past month, as a result. I’ve been struggling to find a lender to consolidate my student loans, and contemplating repayment plans which extend for more years than I’ve been on this planet.

Meanwhile, our government has helpfully bailed out companies where executives get 6 weeks of vacation and million dollar bonuses every year. This will enable them to give more loans to people who can’t afford to repay them, because what we really need right now is more people in debt, and to broaden the class gap.

My suggestion? Give that $7 billion to people who have spent tens of thousands of dollars to better themselves and are now buried under mountains of debt. Give it to people who want to go to college but can’t afford to, and who would never have the opportunity otherwise. Encourage Americans to educate themselves so they can hang onto their jobs, instead of them being given to more carefully trained people overseas. It’ll make our economy stronger from the bottom up. I know, I know, it’s too late for that now, but it’s something to aspire to, right?
Picture Courtesy THE BROKERS WITH HANDS ON THEIR FACES BLOG

As our site gets older and older, I feel it is important to mark our (roughly) 9 month anniversary since we started the site. 9 months, people! And so, in celebration of our awesomeness, I give you a gallery of films that include all of our lovely ladies, created by the very same ones as well:

neekaps & bettytron for Animal Collective’s “Leaf House” by parkrangerolivia

bettytron in White Stripe’s Blue Orchid by neekaps

neekaps, parkrangerolivia, and alisaurus in Electric Six’s Radio GaGa by bettytron

alisaurus in Sleater Kinney’s Youth Decay by alisaurus

As you can see, we like to work together.

Other notable mentions include:

Oppenheimer - “Stephen McCauley For President”

Modest Mouse - A Different City

Motion City Soundtrack - Perfect Teeth

Nelly Furtado - Glow

Another Friday, another skeet that became a celebrity sighting! I guess this doesn’t count as a magical, “oh my god I skeeted him then saw him the following week!” because I just saw Paul Dano on the street near Bryant Park this past weekend, and while he hadn’t officially been skeeted on the site, we all knew he was skeetable. Now that that’s over, let’s get on with the skeet facts.

Now Paul Dano probably wouldn’t be classified as conventionally attractive, which is exactly why I like him. He’s cute and hot in a quirky, high school outcast kind of way. Not to mention, he is an enormously talented actor that takes risks in his films and has taken a gamut of ranging roles. He’s like Michael Cera, but with career longevity and versatility. From his biggest breakout role in Little Miss Sunshine as an angsty, mute teen desperate to join the air force to his most recent big screen success as the kooky preacher in There Will Be Blood, Dano is kicking major ass in Hollywood. And those are just two of his biggest films - he’s been in lots more (including Taking Lives for a minute at the beginning. That was weird.)

And if it’s worth any points, when I saw him on the street he was by himself, walking around like a normal person. In a cute hat. And he might’ve smiled at me, I’m not sure. I probably wouldn’t have recognized him at all if I wasn’t such an aware, discerning citizen and fan of his work. And always searching for skeets on the street. And walking up to everyone asking if they were Paul Dano.

Definitely the best short I’ve seen in a long time, this oscar-nominated film makes the apocalypse look like a hilarious coming-of -age event:

I think my favorite part is how understated everything is. Missing adults, murdered parents, and adolescently angsty crushes are somehow all thrown into the mix. Best line? “Please leave your undead outside”. I Love You Sarah Jane is just so fresh and inspiring.  It was so beautifully shot for such a somber flick, that you somehow have to agree, “Yup. That’s how washed out the end of the world will look.”

Plus, it takes place in Australia. I think that’s the only place where kids would be so ballsy about this kind of thing. English and American daughters would have just cried when forced with the task of trying to kill those close to her, over and over.